


Home

by WoahSpace



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clarke x Lexa, Clexa, F/F, Post Season 2, Post-Canon, The 100 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:45:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4575642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoahSpace/pseuds/WoahSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Clarke leaves Camp Jaha, Clarke is still haunted by the memories of what happened at Mount Weather, and resents, or at least tries to, the one person who led Clarke up to those events: Lexa... Lexa only wants Clarke to be safe and finally feel at home, even if it means Clarke hates her.<br/>(Clexa)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mebi Oso Na Hit Choda Op Nodotaim

Two weeks.

It’s been two weeks since she last saw her people. Her friends. Her family.

She closed her eyes and thought about the last few moments she had at her home, at Camp Jaha.

_People silently began entering Camp Jaha, carrying wounded who are barely holding on to their lives. Clarke can’t bear to look at them anyone. She stands outside the gate, watching as other people hug and greet each other. Bellamy walks up to Clarke, he’s speaking and she’s replying, but she isn’t paying very much attention. The image of innocent dead children are still flashing in front of her eyes._

_“…I’m not going in.”_

_Bellamy was stunned for a minute, or at least she assumed that, because she was still avoiding eye contact. Please understand, she thought._

_“Okay,” Bellamy sighed, turning to look at her, “If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you,” Those familiar words, though slightly comforting, were not what she needed to hear, “You’re forgiven.”_

_Clarke said nothing. So much had happened_

_“Please come inside…”_

_“Take care of them for me,” Clarke was holding back tears at this point._

_“Clarke…”_

_“Seeing their faces every day… It’s just going to remind me of what I did to get them here,” The hundreds of dead innocent bodies flashed in front of her eyes once again as she spoke._

_“What WE did,” Bellamy was shaken up, too. He nodded, “You don’t have to do this alone.”_

_Clarke could barely see from the tears she was desperately trying to hold back. Looking back out at her friends and family, and her home, one last time. The horrid image came back to her mind once again._

_“I bear it so they don’t have to.” The idea that no one else felt this made her feel relieved and depressed at the same time._

_Bellamy sighed, defeated, “Where are you gonna go?”_

_Clarke didn’t even think about that,”…I don’t know,” Anywhere but here, she thought._

_She kissed his cheek and hugged him tightly, knowing that this may be the last time she ever saw him again._

_“May we meet again,” She said just above a whisper, her voice shaking. Before she could stop herself, her mind let her jump to someone else’s face. Someone who she trusted, someone who betrayed her. Someone who said those exact words before leaving her. The thought of that someone was pushed out as soon as it entered._

_She couldn’t do this anymore. Without looking at Bellamy, or back at her home, she pulled back from the hug and began walking into the woods, finally letting her tears fall._

_Bellamy’s feet stayed planted to the ground, “May we meet again,” he whispered. He tried not to look back at her, but when he finally did, she had already disappeared into the woods._

That had happened two weeks ago. It felt like yesterday.

Clarke had been wandering through the forest for two weeks. Finding her own food and shelter was difficult, and she only had the protection of a gun with limited bullets. She tried not to use it, she didn’t want to waste the ammo. The first week was the hardest. Clarke went hungry for days. She thought about going back home so many times, and every time she considered it, that awful image came back to her mind. It was like her memories were haunting her.

Clarke sat down and rested her back against a tree, feeling tired from walking so far. She closed her eyes, and let her body relax, feeling the heat of the sun against her face. Everything hurt. Her back was aching from two weeks of laying on the ground, her feet ached from walking. She was covered in dirt and grime. She had given up on bathing in the lake, in fear that the same snake like monster that had attacked Octavia was waiting for her. She felt weak. She was visibly skinnier. The stress and fear from living out here was beginning to show on her face. She just wanted to rest. As soon as her eyes closed, her mind began to wander. She thought about the dreams she usually has. Sometimes, she would keep herself awake at night, afraid that if she fell asleep the awful memories of what happened at Mount Weather would visit her in a nightmare.

She could only be awake for so long, though; Sleep would get to her. And when it did, her nightmares would be worse than the actual memories. She would wake up in tears, or screaming. Or both.

Those weren’t the only dreams she had, though.

She also had a recurring dream- about someone. Someone she dared not to say her name. In the dream Clarke was in someone’s tent. It was the same scene that happened in real life, when that someone had kissed her.

“Maybe life should be more than just surviving. Don’t we deserve that?”

“Maybe we do.”

Then that someone kissed her. Clarke was not expecting it at all. And was even more surprised when that someone was so soft, and so gentle with her. Clarke immediately felt butterflies and kissed her back, she was afraid that would happen. _But Finn._ The thought always came to her every time she had this dream. Clarke pulled back. _Finn, Finn, Finn. You just lost someone. Finn._

Clarke would try to apologize to that someone, but when she pulled back and opened her eyes, they were in front of Mount Weather, and that someone was covered in blood and war paint.

_No…Don’t…_

“May we meet again,” and she walks off, leaving Clarke to fight for her people by herself and killing hundreds of innocent lives. _Lexa._

Clarke immediately cursed herself for thinking of her name. She opened her eyes and stood up. If anything, her Lexa dream was worse than her Mount Weather dream. Lexa made Clarke feel something. Clarke trusted her.

Sometimes she thought about forgiving her. Clarke would have done the same thing for her people… maybe. Lexa turned out to be so gentle when she was alone with Clarke… _No, you hate her. She left you and you hate her._

She felt her stomach grumble, reminding her of the last time she ate. She picked up her poorly hand-made spear, and began walking to search for food. Again.

She wasn’t very successful in the hunting department…like at all. She always ended up settling for berries, (the first time she ate them she prayed they weren’t poisonous, eating berries made her extremely stressed out) but her pride always made her think she could hunt and kill something if she tried hard enough.

She heard something crunching a few feet away from her. She looked up, her eyes trying to follow the sound. It was behind a tree. This could be her first full meal in two weeks.

She walked as quietly as she could, which wasn’t very quiet. Every time a branch would snap or leaves would crunch she winced. Whatever it was, it ran off. “I’m never gonna find anything.”

“YU BRANWADA!” Clarke heard a deep voice screech. An arrow wizzed by her and hit a tree behind her, missing her head by literally centimeters. Without another second to think Clarke’s began running in the opposite direction. Her feet couldn’t move faster than her brain wanted them to. She made a bee line through the trees, panting hard as she ran. Running was tiring her out, it was making her weaker. _Did I lose him?_ Another arrow flew by her face, barely missing her again. _Nope._

That language... She’s being chased by a grounder. Was she in grounder territory? Clarke gasped as another arrow flew by her. She couldn’t run fast enough.

“Ah!” Another arrow hit her in the back if her calf. Clarke fell over and immediately grabbed her leg. She felt the sharp pain spread around the wound. She looked up and saw the grounder racing towards her, he was going to kill her.

Panicking, Clarke pulled out her gun and pointed it at him, “Stop! Please!”


	2. Wanheda

_“Ah!” Another arrow hit her in the back if her calf. Clarke fell over and immediately grabbed her leg. She felt the sharp pain spread around the wound. She looked up and saw the grounder racing towards her, he was going to kill her._

_Panicking, Clarke pulled out her gun and pointed it at him, “Stop! Please!”_

* * *

 

The grounder, only a few feet away from Clarke, froze in his place, but he still kept his bow and arrow pointed at her.  Good, he knows what a gun can do.

He was huge, at least six and a half feet, His armor covered up large bulky muscles. He had grounder-like tattoos covering his neck and the bottom of his cheeks, and a long beard that seemed to be hanging from an intimidating frown that looked permanently stuck on his face. This guy looked like he could kill someone with his bare hands.

Clarke was still on the ground, but she didn’t dare get up, “Why are you chasing me?”

“Why are you in our territory?” The grounders voice boomed through the woods.

“I asked you first.”

“You’re pretty confident for a person who could have an arrow in her head in a few seconds.”

He was right. But at this point, Clarke had nothing to lose, “Why. Are. You. Chasing me.”

“You come in my woods and scare off my prey. I hunt for the capital. The Commander won’t be happy if she knew I let some sky girl come here and take her food and get away with it.”

“The commander…Lexa?” Clarke’s heart began racing. She has to get out of here. NOW.

“You disrespect my commander by calling her by her name?” He began yelling again, pulling back the bow a little bit harder.

“No! No,” Clarke didn’t want to say she knew Lexa, she didn’t even want to talk about her, “I’m sorry, okay? Look,” Clarke put her gun on the ground and raised her hands, “See? I don’t mean any harm, I was hunting too.”

The grounder retreated and put down his weapon after seeing Clarke surrender, “Hunting? Is that what you call it? That was a joke.”

Clarke stood up and brushed the dirt off her pants. She didn’t have time for this, “So, are we close to Polis?” She didn’t want to be anywhere near Lexa.

The grounder grasped his bow, “Why do you need to know, sky girl? Go back to your camp.”

“It’s a long story…”

“Why are you here? Do you wish to die?”

Clarke sighed. The grounder could see the sadness and defeated look on Clarke’s face, “Who are you?”

“My name is Clarke.” As soon as she said it she winced, she should have lied.

The grounder’s eyes widened, “Clarke…of the sky people…Wanheda…”

Clarke folded her arms, she immediately felt uncomfortable. What did he know? What is wanheda? “Please don’t tell anyone I was here, I’ll leave these woods, I won’t come back, if you just show me the way… I didn’t even know where I was, just… please don’t tell the commander.”

The large man squinted at her, “I keep nothing from my Commander. I owe her my life. I owe you nothing, sky girl.”

He couldn’t take Clarke to see Lexa. She couldn’t see Lexa again. Clarke had enough, she swiftly picked up her gun and pointed it at the grounder before he could get to his bow, “You reach for that bow and you die.”

The grounder still didn’t look scared, at all. Even at the face of death, grounders were confident. It’s what scared Clarke the most about these people.

“Kill me,” he said just above a whisper. He knew she wouldn’t. Clarke knew she couldn’t. Her hands began shaking. She felt tears begin to collect just behind her eyes. She couldn’t take another person’s life. Not again.

The grounder laughed, “Exactly. You’re weak, you sky people.”

A tear ran down Clarke’s cheek. _Dammit_. She hated that she let herself cry.

“I will still tell the commander about you, Clarke of the sky people. But I will let you go. You won’t last another week out here with your ‘hunting skills’. Get out of this area, before another hunter finds you and does not give you as much mercy as I do.”

Clarke never put her gun down, but the grounder reached down for his bow and began walking away without another word.

And once again, she was alone.

 


	3. Skai Heda

"So… what do we do?"

Bellamy, Raven, Monty, and Octavia were all sitting at a table outside the Ark, eating some mysterious canned soup. Bellamy sat with his head propped up on his hand, poking at random chunks of what he assumed were tomatoes with his fork. It had been two weeks since the life changing events at Mount Weather. Two weeks since Clarke had left her home.

"I still think we should make Bellamy chancellor."

"Me too, what do you think, Bell? ….Bellamy?" Octavia elbowed her brother's side, making him jump and pulling him out of his deep thoughts.

"What?"

"We're talking about you being chancellor…"

Bellamy shook his head, "I don't think so…" If someone had offered Bellamy the chance to become chancellor weeks ago, he would have immediately jumped on the idea. But now…he did not trust himself to lead anyone without Clarke. Clarke helped keep him in his place and help him make the right, and moral, decision.

"Oh, come on, Bellamy," Monty said, "You were leading us all from the start. And let's face it; Abby has not been doing the best job… you and Clarke are the ones who really kept us alive this whole time."

The group fell silent at the mention of Clarke's name.

All of the Arkers were in complete denial when Bellamy had announced Clarke's leave. It was a hard thing to deal with. Even when people didn't completely agree with Clarke, she still made a big influence on everyone's lives. She was their true leader. Everyone, even the adults, were afraid that things would get messy because of Clarke's absence.

"Can you at least think about it, Bellamy?" Monty begged, "You're really the only person brave enough and the only person we trust with that kind of power."

Bellamy almost laughed. Bellamy Blake, former felon, arrested for attempting to assassinate the chancellor, forced people to rip off their vital bracelets to keep the Ark from returning, now is trustworthy enough to become chancellor.

Bellamy noticed that they were still waiting for an answer, "Agh… I'll think about it, okay?"

The other three smiled and nodded.

The table was silent again.

The Arkers felt like they were the only people on the planet. The Mountain Men were gone, and they hadn't heard or seen any grounders at all since the war- not that they were complaining… But it was surprisingly lonely. Not hearing or seeing from anyone outside Camp Jaha was like being back up in space. No one else is there, and there was this open, mysterious world for them to explore, but they couldn't leave because it wasn't safe.

"Okay, when is this place gonna get some better food?" Raven broke the silence, using her fork to hold up a mysterious brown chunk above her can, "I can only take this crap for so long."

The Arkers were not specialized in searching for food, provided they lived in space all their lives. During the alliance with the grounders, the Arkers depended on them to hunt and cook all of their meals. They were amazing and the sky people ate well. After a war and a broken alliance, the Arkers had no one to depend on and had to use their emergency food supply: disgusting canned food.

"There will be trips to Mount Weather to get food and supplies soon," Octavia said, "And why are you here Raven? Shouldn't you be in medical?" Octavia nodded at the large bandage on Raven's thigh. Raven tried to ignore the pain from where the mountain people drilled into her for bone marrow. She also tried to ignore the fact that ever since Mount Weather, her leg had gotten worse.

"I'm fine," Raven managed to get out through gritted teeth, "I don't need to be in medical. I need to be out here with you guys, trying to figure out how we are going to survive." She hated when people looked at her as if she had problems that needed to be fixed.

Octavia stood up, "C'mon, let's go to medical. You need to rest and I need to check on Lincoln."

Raven didn't move. Instead she stared up at Octavia with a straight face, "You've already checked on Lincoln three times today."

"And now I'll check on him a fourth time," Octavia picked up Raven's food and threw it in the large can by the table, "Let's go."

Raven was too weak and too tired to argue. She reluctantly stood up and followed Octavia.

* * *

Abby sighed as she tried to sort out a handful of paper on her desk. She wanted to start making records for all of her patients, but there were so many injured after Mount Weather, she couldn't handle them all. Abby tried to identify patients by their faces, only to realize that she really did not know any of them. She had to ask them for their names. This never happened on the Ark in space. It was kind of embarrassing.

She winced in pain as she stood up. Abby was also a victim of the mountain men's evil bone marrow plan- but she was the chancellor, and the head of medical. She didn't have the time to tend for herself. She rubbed her temples and walked over to some of the sleeping patients to check their IVs and made sure everyone was still accounted for. Even when Abby was bleeding out, face to face with death, she made sure someone had grabbed some medical equipment from the mountain to bring back to Camp Jaha. A lot of people were worried about Abby. She was in pain, she was stressed, and to top it all off, she lost her daughter. Everyone was afraid she was drowning herself in her work to keep her from thinking about Clarke.

Abby walked from bed to bed, checking everyone- and then froze in her tracks. There was one sleeping girl whose injuries were different from everyone else's. She was skinnier and had thin dark hair. Abby's eyes studied the girl's features until she saw her shoulders and gasped.

"Oh, God…"

There were tattoos on her shoulders, they seemed to swirl around her shoulders and arms, and ended on her back. It looked a lot like the kind of tattoo that-

The front doors burst open, making Abby gasp again. Raven and Octavia walked in the room without invitation, "I'm here to check on Lincoln. And to return a runaway patient," Octavia gently pulled on Raven's arm and handed her over to Abby.

"I'm not a patient. I'm fine." Raven's face had no emotion.

Automatically, Abby turned into mom-mode, "Lay down. Rest. Please," there was serious concern in her voice.

Raven sighed, slowly walking over to an empty bed and sat down with her arms crossed, "I can do this in my own bunk, you know," Abby knew there were a million things Raven would rather be doing than this, but she needed to recover properly.

"We both know you would never stay in your bunk all day. You need to be supervised," Abby turned back to look at the mysterious girl and studied her notes. She wanted to go back to her work without any more distractions, but she knew Octavia was still standing there, waiting to hear news on Lincoln. Without looking up, she said, "Lincoln is doing well, Octavia, same as the other three times…"

Abby was too distracted by her notes to hear whatever snarky comment Octavia said in reply. She ignored Raven and Octavia's laughs and turned to look at them, "Do you know who this girl is here?" She pointed at the sleeping girl.

Both Raven and Octavia shook their heads, "Who is she? What's her name?"

Abby looked down at her notes one more time, "Her name is Echo."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys will see Lexa soon :)  
> This fic is also on ff.net (and is further into the story) I started posting on here because fanfiction.net was being weird  
> My name is the same on here, ff.net, and Tumblr (Off2Polis), this is my first Clexa fic, so please let me know what you think :)


	4. Heda Mask

Lexa silently entered her tent and began dropping her weapons on the ground and pulling off her gloves. She had just arrived to Polis and was extremely tired from the long walk from TonDC. Her home was just a few miles away, but she wanted to stay in the outskirts of Polis until the early morning so the people of the city would not flood into the streets at night to celebrate the arrival of the Commander.

She sighed and sat down to close her eyes. Lexa had ordered Indra, who had agreed to stay with her for a few days, to stay outside. She just wanted to be alone for a minute. It felt like she was never alone, like she never had a second to herself. She always had to put on the 'commander mask'; be a true warrior, have no emotion, and put your people first. No matter what.

Memories of the last few weeks finally entered her mind- the memories that Lexa was purposefully avoiding. She had lost so many people.  _Anya, Gustus, Clarke…_

Lexa's eyes opened at the thought of their names. She grabbed her knife and began sharpening it at a small wooden table. It was already as sharp as it could get, but Lexa needed to do something to get her mind off of the losses.  _Clarke is dead._ She began sharpening harder.  _You betrayed her and now she's dead. You could have protected her. Just like you could have protected C-_

She heard a deep voice speaking outside her tent.

"Has Heda arrived to Polis yet?"

"What are you doing here, Pat?" Indra muttered.

"I need to speak with Heda."

"The commander is busy."

"It is urgent."

Indra didn't have time for arguments. She simply sighed, "Wait here."

She turned and pulled up a curtain.

"A hunter wishes to speak with you, Heda," Indra's monotone voice sounded slightly angry, "Something… important."

"Let him in," Lexa said. Time to put on the "commander mask". Lexa could hear Indra quietly growl. She knew Indra did not want a random hunter speaking to the commander this late. She pulled the curtain back more, so that Pat could enter the tent.

Pat slowly walked in. This was more than likely the first and only time he would be speaking privately with the commander. She was still in her war makeup and armor, making her look 100 times more intimidating. Pat stood for a few seconds, waiting for the commander to speak… but she didn't. The commander didn't even look up.

"Good evening, Heda-"

"You wish to tell me something," Pat sighed in relief, the commander was speaking to him.

"Yes… while I was out hunting today… I saw someone," Pat waited for Lexa to react, but she continued sharpening her knife, "…wanheda."

Lexa stopped sharpening her knife, she did not move. It couldn't be…

She knew the trikru had given the girl the nickname.

"Or at least I believe it was wanheda. Bright hair. She said her name was Clarke-"

The commander's head snapped up and stared at Pat, dropping her knife on the wooden table in front of her. Her heart stopped.  _Clarke? She's alive?_

She stood up and quickly walked over to the hunter, never losing eye contact. Lexa stood right in front of Pat, so close that their noses almost touched. She stared into his eyes, as if looking into them would tell her if he was lying to her or not.

Just above a whisper, Lexa said through her gritted teeth, "Where. Is. She."

"I…" Pat was at a loss for words, "I don't know, Heda… I almost killed her, but I let her go-"

Lexa's face twisted with anxiety. Out of anger she huffed and walked back to her knife.

"Commander," Pat became nervous, "She won't make it another few days in those woods. She can't hunt, and there are more of us out there who kill any trespassers-"

"I DON'T WANT HER DEAD!" Lexa gripped her knife and slowly lifted it off the table. Pat automatically took a step back. Lexa walked back over to Pat, "Where did you last see her?"

"In the east, where my group usually hunts. She was very close to Polis…"

Lexa's knife went straight into the sheath on her side. She slid past Pat to get outside the tent, where of course, Indra was standing. She was obviously listening to their conversation.

"Heda," Indra grabbed her arm, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going into the woods," She adjusted the sword on her back, "for a walk."

"Do not waste your time looking for one person," Indra's look of disapproval almost annoyed Lexa, "You're the commander. You cannot let your feelings or your personal life get in the way of protecting your people."

Lexa sighed and avoided eye contact with Indra. Because she was right.

"Who said this was personal? There's a trespasser in our woods-"

"And you have warriors that do that for you. Listen to me, Heda. It is dark, it isn't safe."

Lexa sighed again, "Okay," She went back in the tent where Pat was still awkwardly standing, "Bring this message to the rest of your men. If you see anyone who doesn't belong here in our territory, you bring them here. The sky people helped us. We got our people back because of them. They are not the enemy."

"Yes, Heda," Pat replied.

Lexa nodded, "You are dismissed."

Pat turned around to leave, then stopped when he remembered, "Um, one more thing commander…Clarke did not want me to tell you she was here. She looks like she hasn't eaten in a week. She seemed desperate, and… sad. I think her people banished her."

The wheels in Lexa's head were turning. She silently nodded at him and Pat walked away. There was no way Clarke was banished…

Lexa had to get her mind back on track. She still had so many things to worry about. There were still some of her people who were suffering from withdrawals of whatever the mountain people gave them that made them reapers. She didn't know anything about it, though. She only knew about what Clarke and Abby had told her… and she was still lost. The sky people's medical knowledge was far more advanced than the tree people. They needed the sky people.

Lexa hated herself for betraying them. Clarke probably hated Lexa, too; But Lexa had no choice, she needed to put her people first and keep them safe. But now all she wanted was to keep Clarke safe.

Even if that meant Clarke would still hate her in the process.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think!  
> also if you're Clexa trash or if you just like the 100 follow me on Tumblr and fangirl with me- Off2Polis


	5. Wor Ste Odon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 4 am and I couldn't sleep, so i figured, hey why not post another chapter?  
> thank you to those who reviewed, this should be the last short chapter  
> Enjoy :)

Clarke was panicking- as she probably should have been. After the mysterious grounder had left her, there was nothing she wanted more than to get out of these woods.  _Run, Clarke, now_. She tried to stand up, but stabbing pain pulsed through her right leg, forcing her back into the dirt. Clarke tried so hard not to cry out.

She inspected her leg to make sure it wasn't infected by anything poisonous- and it looked perfectly fine. She was going to have to take it out, though. She cringed at the thought of even touching the wound; there really was no other choice, she couldn't walk with an arrow in her leg.

 _This is going to be painful,_  she thought,  _and gross._  She closed her eyes, knowing that watching would only make it worse. As soon as her right hand grabbed the arrow, another wave of pain went through her calf.  _Let's get this over with_ …. She began pulling the arrow, her teeth clenching and her eyes squeezing shut as more pain shot through her leg. It took everything she could to not scream.

As soon as it was over, Clarke forced herself to ignore the amount of blood and pain from the arrow and ripped off a piece of her shirt to wrap around her calf.  _Time to go._  Clarke pushed herself off the ground and walked- limped- in the opposite direction from where she saw the grounder. He forgot to give her directions.  _Great._

And she still hadn't eaten.

 _Leaving was a bad idea…_ the thoughts once again came to Clarke's mind. But once again, the awful images from Mount Weather came back to her. She shook her head,  _nevermind._ To keep herself from getting anxious, she tried to keep her mind clear as she walked.

Clarke focused on the trees and the sky, it was all so beautiful, and it was so easy to completely ignore them. Clarke had only been on the ground for a few weeks, but she was already used to everything nature had to offer. She wished she could stop and paint the woods in front of her, and capture what she was feeling when she looked at them. Clarke hasn't drawn art- related since she had reached the ground. It was almost surprising, she spent most of her life dreaming about earth and drawing what she thought it would really look like. It was ironic that she was finally here and was so worried about surviving that she never stopped to really appreciate earth from the ground.

An odd woozy feeling took over Clarke as she walked. She was still hoping that she was walking as far away from Polis as possible, only stopping for water. Clarke felt like she had limped miles.  _I just need to rest. I'll start a fire first_. Clarke searched for wood- she wouldn't make the fire by herself, of course. She had a 100 year old lighter in her pocket. One that she took from the dropship when they first landed. They never made fires in the Ark, because fire eats up oxygen that the Arkers desperately needed, but on the ground Clarke and Bellamy figured out how to use lighters.

The sharp pain in her leg that she had been ignoring felt worse. Clarke paused- her legs started trembling and a nauseous feeling settled in her stomach. Her head felt like it was spinning. The wood in Clarke's suddenly weak arms tumbled as she tried to slowly get down on the ground.  _The arrow._  Clarke groped at the back of her leg, forcing her blurring eyes to focus on the cloth bandage. It was drenched in blood. Maybe the cloth was not tight enough around her leg to stop the bleeding.  _I must be losing too much blood._  Clarke's hands were shaking as she tried to tighten the cloth around her leg- until her body went limp and Clarke blacked out.

* * *

Lexa sighed as she took in the view of her home in , it was more of as a mansion than a house… all of her personal guards and some hunters stayed here as well, and all 12 of the clan leaders were always welcomed to stay here when they visited Polis.

Her home was mostly made of stone, it was extremely wide and four floors high. From outside you could see tons of windows and balconies. It was well-hidden by the surrounding trees, it made Lexa feel a little bit safer. The only way you could get anywhere near Lexa's home was if you could get past the heavily guarded gate- that made Lexa feel safer too.

The commander began making her way to the familiar front door, almost excited to take off her armor and relax.

"Heda! Wait!" Lexa almost jumped at the sound of a familiar voice behind her. She closed her eyes for just a second… she wasn't going to relax for a while, "What is it, Thomas?"

Thomas ran to Lexa's side, panting, "Am I going to begin training now?"

Lexa turned to the boy next to her. He was visibly shorter than the commander by a few inches, and was much younger. Sweat ran down his dark skin from walking out in the sun all day. Thomas shook his head, "I know what you are going to say… 'Patience, Thomas,'" He tried to copy Lexa's voice.

Lexa held back a smile and continued walking to the door, "If you know the answer, why ask the question?"

"Commander," Thomas put himself between the door and Lexa to keep her from walking any further, "You promised me that after the war I could become your second and I would begin training to become a real warrior. Well… _wor se odon_ …"

"Wor  _ste_  odon," Lexa corrected as she brushed past Thomas to get to the wooden door. She did make a promise to him that she would take him in as a second after the war… this kid was brave- he wasn't afraid of anything, he even spoke back to the commander. Lexa had to put him in his place more than once, but she knew she could make him a good warrior. Thomas almost reminded her of Clarke… the way he was always ready to fight for what he believed in.

"You need to be able to speak the tongues of your own people, Thomas," Lexa tried to push the thought of Clarke walking through the woods all alone out of her head. She should have ignored Indra, she should have just gone out and-

"My father said he would teach me…" Thomas' voice trailed off. Lexa's heart broke at the sound of the boy's voice.  _His father would have taught him if Finn didn't kill his parents._ Lexa would never understand what Clarke saw in Finn, she was always somehow able to see the best in people… even Lexa. Lexa wondered if Clarke would still see that after what happened at Mount Weather…

"I will teach you, Thomas," Lexa reassured, "While we train."

"When will we begin?"

Lexa ignored his question, turned around and began walking away from her home, "We will hunt-"

Thomas sulked, "Hunting?"

"I hope you weren't planning on taking on any actual people without experience," Lexa knew Thomas would be just fine learning combat, but she needed an excuse to get in the woods. Now.

Thomas sighed, for what felt like the millionth time, he repeated, "When will we begin?"

"Sis yu swis op," Lexa pointed at the knife resting on her side, so Thomas would understand;  _grab your knife_ , "We begin now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reaaally wanted Lexa to have a second, just to see her interact with someone she could be close to (but not romantically) because we lost Anya and we don't really see Indra and Lexa having a very personal relationship. Just to possibly see her softer side with someone other than Clarke 
> 
> So how do you feel about Thomas? Let me know what you think, thanks!
> 
> -Off2Polis


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you alive? Hey! Wake up!"

Clarke heard a voice… but she couldn't tell whose voice it belonged to. Everything was so dark… or maybe her eyes weren't open… was she dead?

"She's breathing…" Clarke her the voice whisper. Was is Octavia? Bellamy? Was she back at Camp Jaha?

"Can you hear me?"

Clarke felt someone shaking her, she groaned in pain. The sharp pain in her leg was now replaced with numbness. Her panging headache felt like it got worse as she shook. Whoever this was, they needed to stop. She slowly opened her eyes, blinking a couple of times to make her blurred vision clearer. Her eyes began scanning the area. Yep, she was still in the woods. Clarke sighed and closed her eyes again.

"Hey!"

Clarke's eyes popped open. The bright sunlight forced a pang of pain behind her eyes. She didn't even notice a boy, no younger than 16, sitting next to her.  _A grounder_. Clarke panicked and used her arms to scoot away from him. She stood up, her head making everything spin and almost made Clarke lose her balance. The grounder stood up, too, staring at Clarke, "You're not one of us, are you?"

Clarke was almost confused, was he not going to try to kill her?

"Heda!" The boy yelled.

 _Heda..._ Clarke tried to turn and run, but the boy grabbed her arm, "Wait!" Clarke quickly turned and pushed the grounder into the dirt.  _That probably wasn't a good idea…_  She was too weak to bolt off.

The grounder, obviously angry, pushed himself off the ground, and pulled out a knife.

_Of course._

Clarke was not about to die this way, she pulled out her gun and turned, pointing the gun at the boy.

The grounder froze, his eyes widened in fear, staring into the gun. Unlike the grounder Clarke met before, this one was afraid of death.

Clarke opened her mouth to speak, when she heard someone behind her yell, "Thomas!"

Before Clarke could turn around, someone jumped on top of her, forcing her on the ground.  _There were more grounders? Am I surrounded?_  Clarke's gun flew out of her hand as she fell and began blindly swinging her fist at the body on top of her. The grounder that attacked Clarke was obviously more experienced when it came to fighting because Clarke's fists were caught and held down before Clarke could get a single punch in. She tried to move but she was completely helpless. She saw the grounder's hand go for a knife in the sheath on their side.

"Yu gonplei ste- Clarke?"

Clarke felt her hands being released. She turned her head to look at the person attacking her. Their voice sounded so familiar… oh god…

"Lexa?"

* * *

Bellamy laid back on the bed in Octavia's bunk, once again ignoring the conversation Octavia and Monty were having. Raven was with them, too- but this time she stayed quiet in the corner to keep her friends from forcing her back into medical with Abby, where she had escaped for the second time. She was messing around with her radio again, which Bellamy thought was ridiculous given that the mountain men were gone. They seemed to be the only people in the area with that kind of technology, she would never hear anything. Being around Monty was almost odd for Bellamy, he had no idea that Octavia and Monty were so close. Maybe he was just used to always seeing Monty with Jasper….

"Monty," Bellamy sat up, "Where's Jasper?"

Monty, who was sitting at a desk across from the bed, looked down, "He uh… he's busy…"

Bellamy's face hardened, "And he wasn't hungry when we invited him to have lunch with us the other day? The camp is not that big, so how come I've barely seen him since…"

Monty still avoided eye contact with Bell, "He's still… he's still mourning over Maya… He lost someone special to him, he's just having a hard time right now."

"We're all having a hard time," Bellamy's jaw clenched, "We all lost people. You can't just avoid everyone-"

The room went silent with awkwardness as everyone's mind went to Clarke.

"Bellamy," Octavia, who was sitting next to him, grabbed his arm, "He'll come around. He just needs time."

 _I need time._  Bellamy ran his fingers through his hair, "We all have crap we need to deal with," Monty finally looked up at Bellamy, "But we can't just run away from our problems. We need to stick together if we're gonna survive out here. Jasper can hate me and resent me all he wants. He needs us if he plans on living."

Monty nodded, "He will come around, Bellamy. I'll, talk to him, okay?"

Bellamy nodded in reply, and Monty stood up and quickly exited Octavia's room.

Bellamy threw himself back on the bed and covered his face with his hands. The room was completely silent, Bellamy almost forgot that Octavia was still next to him.

"You're gonna make a great chancellor, Bell."

Bellamy didn't answer.

"Are you okay, Bellamy?"

He hasn't heard those words in so long. No one assumed that there was anything wrong with Bellamy Blake. Ever. He was the strong guy. He could handle everything. He helped save his people from Mount Weather. That's why he would make such a great chancellor, right?

Bellamy sat up next to his sister, "What if I can't do it?" He whispered, "I can't trust myself to make decisions. I can't trust myself to lead these people. I came down here because I was a prisoner. I came down here because I tried to kill someone. Sure, I led our people and went in Mount Weather, but with Clarke. I can't lead anyone without her. It's too much pressure."

"Bellamy," Octavia shook her head, "You came down here because you wanted to protect me. Because you would do anything to make sure your little sister was okay. You risked so much… for me, and for everyone… you went into that mountain willing to do whatever it takes to save our people. You did that all by yourself. I know you're afraid that you make the wrong decision, but you have all of us here with you, and you have me. We all trust you for a reason, Bell. And you know I will be right by your side."

Bellamy looked at his sister, who was blinking back tears, "Thanks, O."

Octavia smiled and hugged her brother. Bellamy was still unsure of how he could trust himself as chancellor, but he knew Octavia would always be there to help him. Octavia always made him feel confident and safe. She was his home.

"How sweet," Raven's monotone voice made Octavia and Bellamy jump. They had completely forgotten that Raven was there, "I'm gonna go to my station and check out this radio. I swear I heard something a while ago but I can't figure out which station."

Bellamy sighed, "Raven you didn't hear anything. No one is out there."

Raven shook her head, "Well, I'd rather listen to static on this radio than stay in medical with Abby. She spent the entire day studying this patient. I don't think she knows who the girl is."

Octavia nodded, "Yeah, it was weird, we didn't know who she was either. You probably do, Bell. You seem to know everyone."

Bellamy was intrigued now, "What was her name?"

Raven closed her eyes as if it would help retrieve the name from her memory, "I can't remember… it was an interesting name… It started with an E or a C or something…"

"I don't know," Octavia said, "But what I do know is that we need to go to Mount Weather and get more supplies. Monty told me he overheard someone saying we will run out soon. Lincoln and I were thinking of gathering a couple of people and going up there ourselves."

Bellamy shook his head, "Abby would never allow that, and I don't think it's safe for Lincoln to go back up there so soon."

When Lincoln first appeared at the gates of Camp Jaha after Mount Weather, the sky people let him in immediately and took him in as their own. No one had asked, not even Octavia, but it felt like everyone had known that Lincoln was disowned by the Tri Kru.

"Then Lincoln won't go. Either way it doesn't matter," Octavia said, "Abby is already overwhelmed with her work, being chancellor is way too much on her, she needs a break. I'm sure she'll be okay with everyone taking a vote and Bellamy taking over. Once you do, we can go to the Mountain and not die of starvation."

"Well, what if she's not? Do you really think Abby will be okay with taking a vote behind her back? Maybe we should just wait." Bellamy was all for delaying the vote as much as possible.

Raven shook her head, "We need to do this now. Maybe you could just confront her? Or just talk to her? We need those supplies."

Bellamy sighed, knowing there was no way out of this, "Okay."

Octavia could sense her brother's discomfort, "You can do this, Bell."

* * *

Clarke stayed motionless on the ground as Lexa slowly stood, their eyes never tearing apart from one another. An odd feeling settled with Clarke when she pushed herself off the ground, too, studying Lexa's surprisingly worried face. Flashes of images from Mount Weather popped up in the back of her head as she tried to gain her balance on her numb leg.

Was it really Lexa? Is she hallucinating? Why would Lexa be out here this late?

_This must be another dream._

" _Clarke,"_ Lexa's words didn't even sound real, "What are you doing out here?" Lexa glanced down at Clarke's bandaged leg, "What happened to your leg? Are you okay?"

 _She left you to die and now she's asking you if you're okay._  Clarke's face immediately turned from surprise to utter anger, "Why do you care, Lexa, you left me to die."

"Clarke…" Clarke tried to ignore how comforting and familiar Lexa's voice was, "Why are you out here? It isn't safe." Lexa's voice was obviously restrained… from something.

Clarke's first thought was to attack- if it weren't for her leg and the wooziness she still felt- and the fact that Lexa probably had the woods riddled with guards.

"Why do you care, Lexa," Clarke limped until she was inches away from Lexa. Lexa didn't move but Clarke could sense her discomfort. Lexa's eyes darted towards the young grounder, who was still standing nearby, "Stand down, Thomas."

Clarke looked over at the boy, who was still gripping his knife ready to charge at her. Thomas immediately followed Lexa's orders, putting his knife in his sheath, but kept his hands by the knife in case he needed to defend his commander.

Lexa looked back over at Clarke, her face now emotionless, "Your leg Clarke, it's bleeding."

"One of  _your people_  hit me with an arrow."

Lexa's eyes widened, "One of my people? A hunter?"

Clarke immediately regretted giving Lexa so much information about herself. She turned and tried to limp away, her head spinning from moving so fast. Clarke could feel herself losing her balance, and fell on her back, her consciousness was slowly fading away again. The time seemed to slow down and the odd numb feeling became worse. She really needed to wake up- no,  _she really needed help._

Clarke scolded herself in her head for letting herself get so weak.

"Clarke, our hunters use poisonous arrows for defense," The panic in Lexa's voice almost worried Clarke.

 _Great, now she's lying._ Clarke continued to struggle to get back on her feet.

"Clarke," Lexa squatted so that she was at eye level with Clarke, she was only a few inches away from Clarke's face, "You will die out here. We have the cure in Polis, sometimes hunters get hit."

Enraged, Clarke turned and spat out, "You're lying. I checked my leg to see if it was infected, it's not."

Lexa squatted so that she was at eye level with Clarke. Clarke could see fear in Lexa's eyes- the same look Lexa had when Clarke went back into TonDC for her mother before a missile hit…

"You can't see the poison, Clarke. It's used on large animals, in case they attack. The poison works slower on humans, it's not meant for us. Do you feel dizzy? Or numb-"

Clarke fought the "Even if you were telling the truth, why would I trust you? And why the Hell would I go to Polis with you? You abandoned my people. You left us to die, Lexa.  _You left me._  I'm not going anywhere with you."

The pang of guilt seemed to wash over Lexa's face. She looked back over to Thomas, who was still watching the argument, slightly confused and curious as to why his fearless commander would look so guilty.

Lexa's face hardened, "Clarke, you can hate me all you want, but right now you need me if you want to survive. Only a fool would be stubborn enough to put his own life in danger."

Clarke studied Lexa's face. She looked concerned, or scared- or relieved… Clarke couldn't tell. What she did know was that she felt like dying, and hasn't eaten for days. She had no other option if she was planning on living. She hated that she needed-

" _Clarke_ ," the urgency in Lexa's voice pulled Clarke from her thoughts. Clarke could feel herself losing consciousness.

"O-okay," Clarke sighed, she had no idea how she was even awake right now.

As soon as Clarke agreed, Lexa reached for Clarke's arm to help her up.

"No," Clarke pulled her arm away. The guilt on Lexa's face returned, but only for a second, "Thomas, sis em au," Lexa pointed at Clarke and stood.

The young grounder was quick to help Clarke up. As Clarke stood, she felt the world spin one last time before her whole body went numb and she passed out once again.

Thomas instantly caught Clarke's limp body. Lexa stood by as Thomas cradled Clarke in his arms. She would have helped, she wanted to, but she knew that Clarke would not have wanted that. She looked up at Thomas, feeling as if her 'Commander mask' was being forced back on, "Let's move. She needs that cure.  _Now_."

* * *

They walked back into the city in silence, Lexa looked back over at Clarke's face every once in a while to make sure she was okay. Lexa knew that Clarke would never forgive her. Lexa knew that she would never be able to have Clarke. But Clarke was still special. Clarke was important. If there was one thing that made this whole situation better, it was the fact that Clarke was really alive.


	7. Closure: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Sorry for not updating frequently. I got a few good questions about the story, some on ff and some on here, so I'll acknowledge them both:
> 
> Someone asked if only reading the Clexa plotline and skipping the Camp Jaha story would be confusing for them- I totally understand, I was originally planning on just writing Clexa, but I wanted the story to sort of follow the way the tv show would be. Obviously the two plots will come together, but when they do, no, you shouldn't be too confused, you would just be reading more from the perspective of everyone at Polis :)
> 
> A lot of questions were about Thomas being the commander's second- those will be answered in the story soon!
> 
> Happy Friday(ish) and enjoy :)

Clarke felt completely calm.

Her body was no longer numb, the pain in her right leg wasn't throbbing as harshly, her head wasn't spinning. She felt completely relaxed. She felt safe. She never wanted to open her eyes. She didn't know where she was, or what was going on, but she knew it was more than likely a dream, a good one, and that she should enjoy it while it lasted.

The only pain she felt was the ache in her back from whatever she was lying on. Clarke shifted slightly to get comfortable.

"Em don kik raun."

Clarke's eyes popped open in utter panic.  _Grounders._  Her eyes scanned the room she was in-wooden cabinets, small bottles, knives-until they landed on two shapes next to her.  _Oh, God._

"Beda osir ge Heda?"

_Heda. I didn't imagine seeing Lexa. It actually happened._

_Wait- she really kept me alive. Why?_

"No- she is meeting with clan leaders right now."

Clarke let her eyes focus on the shapes until she could make out two grounders. One was an older woman. She had curly short grey hair and a heavily wrinkled face. Clarke was bewildered at the sight-she had never seen an older grounder before. She wouldn't have even known the woman was a grounder if it weren't for the tattoos on her thin arms. The woman made eye contact with Clarke, and Clarke immediately noticed the woman's vibrant blue eyes. The woman gave a warm welcoming smile.

The other grounder was a large, bulky, younger man. He almost looked like the grounder Clarke had met in the woods, if it weren't for his longer hair and a distinct scar across his cheek.

"Hello, Clarke," Clarke didn't realize she was staring until the male grounder spoke to her.

Clarke sat up on what she now noticed was a wooden table, which would explain why her back was aching, "How do you know my name? Why do you have me here- where am I?" The questions couldn't come out of Clarke's mouth fast enough.

"You're in Polis," The grounder replied. He turned his back to Clarke and moved from the table to begin putting the small bottles back into the large cabinets on the wall, "And you're alive," He nodded towards Clarke's leg, "You're welcome."

 _Polis…Lexa brought me here._  Clarke ran her hand over her bandaged calf.  _Why would she care enough to have her healers keep me alive?_

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you," the grounder called over his shoulder, "I wouldn't walk on it either. It needs to heal."

Of course, as soon as the grounder said that Clarke pushed herself off of the table, ignoring the throbbing pain that shot though her leg as her feet hit the wooden floor. The large grounder turned to face Clarke, obviously irritated, "Heda said she was stubborn."

Clarke tried to ignore the fact that Lexa warned the healer about her resistance to receive help.  _Of course she would know to warn them, of course I would be stubborn. She betrayed me._

_Lexa._

"I need to see your commander."

The large grounder, completely unmoved by Clarke's words, continued putting away the bottles, "The commander is busy."

Clarke slowly moved towards the grounder, feeling a bit too confident to be arguing with a man three times her size, "I guess I'll just leave then."

"You can't. The commander ordered us to make sure you were completely healed before-"

" _Your commander_  abandoned an alliance with my people and left us-"Clarke could feel herself spitting out her words, her voice was cracking, "-Left me... to die. Her orders mean  _nothing_  to me."

The grounder's face twisted with anger, he closed the gap between Clarke and himself, "It's not personal. You're a pretty brave girl, disrespecting my commander in our capital. After I just saved your life."

Clarke's face didn't crack, she made sure every word was perfectly clear, "It's personal to me."

The grounder moved closer to Clarke. She could've sworn she heard him growl. Her hand immediately went to her side, ready to pull out her gun- only it wasn't there. Clarke tried to keep panic from showing on her face as she looked down and saw an empty holster on her side.  _They took my gun._

"Where's my gun?" Clarke managed to let out. Her confidence was slowly fading.

"We took your weapon. To make sure you wouldn't try anything. Like your friend-"

"Mason! Pleni!" The older woman's voice from the other side of the room surprised both the grounder and Clarke, "Just follow the commander's orders, please."

Mason followed the woman's request, but his eyes never left Clarke's. He continued to stare Clarke down for a few more seconds before calling out,"Thomas!"

_Thomas… that sounded familiar._

A young grounder appeared at the entrance of the small room. The same grounder who was with Lexa when she met Clarke in the woods.  _Was he standing out there the whole time?_

"She is awake," Mason said to the boy. Clarke's head was spinning.  _What?_

Thomas nodded and turned to Clarke, "Come with me, Clarke."

Clarke didn't move. She really didn't know what to do, or who to trust.  _Should I make a run for it?_

"You can leave now, Clarke," Mason added, anger still in his voice.

Clarke's eyes darted across the room, ignoring Mason and Thomas' impatient looks. She made eye contact with the older woman, who simply gave a comforting faint smile and a nod.

"Okay," Clarke muttered, and followed Thomas out of the healer's room.

* * *

Clarke squinted as the sun's rays hit her eyes when they walked outside of the hut. As her eyes adjusted, she saw long stone paths in the ground, and groups of grounders following them, carrying large animals, pulling horses, holding large barrels of plants, and pulling wheelbarrows with what seemed to be medical supplies and weapons. Across the roads, Clarke could see small tents that grounders were constantly moving in and out of, everything seemed so frantic.

"What's going on? Is this all there is to Polis?" Clarke looked around, searching for a place where she could escape.  _There were way too many people here._

"No," Thomas answered, "You haven't even really seen Polis yet. These are back roads, in the outskirts of Polis. Our hunters and gatherers move out here, this is how they get to the woods without disturbing the busy streets. They sleep in these tents for days to get our food and raw materials. The commander also uses these roads when she gets in and out of Polis. She doesn't like grand entrances. Doesn't really like the attention-"

"Where is your commander?"

Thomas looked up at Clarke and realized Clarke wasn't really interested in having a conversation about Polis.

"I know you know where she is," Clarke pressed.

Thomas turned and began walking down the street. Clarke quickly followed.

" _Thomas,_ " Clarke called out. Thomas was surprised that Clarke remembered his name, "Please tell me. I want to speak with her."

"You want to kill her. Or run away. Or both," Thomas answered, staring forward to avoid the shocked look on Clarke's face. She was speechless.

"I-"

"I heard you asking Mason for your gun, you were going to use it. You wouldn't have one if you weren't going to use it. You were going to use it on him. You were going to use it on me in the woods," Thomas continued to walk, his speed picking up, forcing Clarke to move faster. The stress on her right leg made her limp, "You're people have guns to use on us."

"You had a knife. I thought you were going to kill me-"

"I wanted to help you and you pushed me away. What made you think I was going to kill you?"

"I don't  _need_  help."

"Really?" Thomas motioned to Clarke's leg, "You would have died out there and the commander helped you," Thomas moved faster, "And you want to kill her."

Clarke tried to study Thomas' face. He was angry, confused almost. She wondered if he knew what happened at Mount Weather. She wondered, just for a second, what the world looked like from his eyes.  _You burned 300 of their men alive. An entire village was massacred. They probably see you the same way you see them._

"Thomas," Clarke grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop.

"The commander is meeting with the leaders of the clans right now. And I have my orders," Thomas pulled away from Clarke.

"I'm not going to kill her, Thomas. I'm not going to kill anyone," Clarke felt herself get choked up, "I  _can't_  kill anyone."

She knew she had to say it. Not for Thomas' sake, but for her own. As much as she knew there were people back at the Ark that would kill Lexa without even thinking, and as much as she knew she should probably feel the same way, she knew she couldn't. At this moment, it had nothing to do with forgiveness or understanding. It had everything to do with the fact that too many people have died at her hand, and that she couldn't close her eyes without seeing each one. Clarke couldn't take another life.

Not after everything that has happened.

Thomas probably thought she was lying. She wouldn't be surprised. "Why should I trust you, Clarke?"

"What am I gonna do? I don't have a weapon- I don't have anything, Thomas. I just need to talk to her-"

"Why?"

"I…"

That was a good question.  _Why do I want to speak to her so badly? Why do I need to see her again? After everything, after Finn, after the missile, after the kiss, after Mount Weather, why do I want to see Lexa after she worked so hard to gain my trust, and then betray me? Why?_

Then it hit her. The exact question was her answer. She needed to know why. She needed to know what was going through Lexa's mind. Why Lexa was so quick to leave Clarke at Mount Weather, but also quick to bring her to Polis to keep her alive. Clarke just needed answers, she needed the truth, she needed…

"I need closure."

Thomas just stared at her, probably trying to find the real face behind the mask of emotions she was currently wearing. When he couldn't find one, he sighed, "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this part one of this chapter, expect part two very soon! Thanks for reading, and thank you to those who review/comment. It means a lot :)
> 
> -Off2Polis


	8. Chapter 8

“Here we are,” Thomas said, his eyes settling on a small stone structure. Clarke felt like they had been walking for miles. Thomas had stopped to get a horse from one of the grounders for Clarke to ride so she wouldn’t have to walk on her bad leg. They spent most of the trip in silence, Clarke was too busy trying to study every small part of Polis. Even though Clarke had not really ‘seen all of Polis’ she was still surprised with how busy everything was. The grounders that moved up and down the streets always seemed to be in a rush. People constantly yelling out orders in Trigedasleng- all of the action was almost overwhelming. The tents were huge, and the actual buildings were surprisingly even bigger. They were made out of either wood or stone- which was also surprising, since back in TonDC everything seemed to be made out of wood.

Clarke had also noticed some grounders resting, too. A few sat in a circle, drinking and laughing. They seemed to be having a good time. Clarke missed being able to do that. To just relax and not have to worry about anything, not constantly on edge and full of anxiety. To feel safe. To feel at home. _To just feel human._ She hadn’t felt like that since she arrived on Earth.

Hell, has she ever felt that? _I lived in a damn tin can my whole life._

Those wishes were just a luxury that Clarke couldn’t afford.

Clarke spent most of the trip trying to keep her head down. Her blond hair seemed to stand out, it felt like every grounder was staring at her. She lost count at how many times she heard the word ‘wanheda’ muttered under someone’s breath as she passed by.

Clarke pushed out the thoughts as soon as they entered, and looked up to take in the short stone building in front of her. Aside from it being unusually wide, there wasn’t very much to it. In the front was a curtain, where Clarke assumed people used to enter and exit, and above the curtain was twelve odd symbols. Two intimidating guards stood on either side of the entrance.

“She’s in here?” Clarke’s heart was racing at the thought of seeing Lexa again, “Why is she meeting clan leaders? What are they talking about?”

“I don’t know much, maybe she’s filling the clan leaders in on what happened at the Mountain, and what they plan on doing with their army moving forward. Sometimes it’s used for emergencies, or to discuss confidential information between the clans. Not just anyone can go in there. That’s all I really know,” Thomas helped Clarke pull herself off of the horse, “The war is over, I don’t think there’s much to discuss right now.”

 _What happened at the Mountain?_ “Do you know what she’s telling them about Mount Weather?” _Like how she betrayed me?_

Thomas shook his head, “We will all find out soon. Heda will make an official announcement of some sort. Most of the people of Polis do not even know the commander is here. The only information that’s going around about Mount Weather right now is through the warriors that were there.”

So Lexa is going to make an announcement.

Clarke nodded and began walking towards the entrance of the building.

“Clarke, no!” Thomas grabbed Clarke’s arm, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to talk to Lexa,” Clarke tried to pull her arm from Thomas’ tight grip, “What do you expect me to do? Stand out here and wait?”

“Yes!”

Clarke shook her head, “I’m not doing that.”

“I said I would take you here, but we can’t go in there.”

Clarke looked back over to the curtain that separated herself and Lexa.

“Clarke…”

“I was in that war too, Thomas. I killed everyone in that mountain. I had an alliance with your people. If anything I should be in there-“

Both Clarke and Thomas’ heads snapped over to the curtain entrance as it was pulled back.

* * *

 

Bellamy slowly entered the medical bay with Octavia by his side to finally talk to Abby. They stayed up all last night discussing what would be said to her, though Octavia spent most of the night constantly reassuring Bellamy that he’s the best leader the Arkers could have right now. As comforting as Octavia’s words were, there was still a small part in Bellamy that doubted himself- but he didn’t have time to doubt himself anymore. His people needed him- no, his people wanted him- no, it didn’t matter. Bellamy needed to-

“Bell,” Octavia took his hand, “Stop thinking. It’ll be okay.”

Before Bellamy could say anything in reply, he noticed Raven was sitting on a bed near the wall, still messing around with the radio she had yesterday, “Raven? Did Abby bring you back here?”

“Are you guys here to save me? I think have something I need to show you,” Raven didn’t even look up from the radio.

“No,” Bellamy answered, “We’re here to talk to Abby… about…”

“She’s over there,” Raven nodded to the left, “Talking to that patient she’s been obsessed with.”

Bellamy nodded and moved to the other side of the room, taking in a deep breath to prepare himself. He could hear Abby speaking with a girl, “I don’t understand… how did you get here? Why wouldn’t you tell us-“

“Abby?” Bellamy’s voice was just loud enough to make Abby jump, “Sorry- I don’t mean to interrupt but can I…”

Bellamy’s eyes trailed over to the girl sitting on a bed next to Abby.

She looked so familiar…. Bellamy’s eyes widened as he continued to stare, “Echo?”

The girl’s voice quivered as she said just above a whisper, “…Bellamy?”

* * *

 

All eyes were on her.

Lexa sat at the head of the long conference table, eleven of the twelve leaders of the clans –and Indra- were sitting, staring, waiting to hear the supposed urgent news from their commander. There was enough food to feed 20 fully grown men waiting on the table for after the meeting. Lexa already went over the status of everything from the number and health of their warriors to their food.  It was something Lexa did as often as possible, making sure all of the clans were doing well. When Lexa first became commander, there was talk of her having a bias to the Trikru, since it was what she was. Lexa worked hard to destroy that rumor, but it still went around, especially among the Azgeda.

She then explained the grounders’ final moments at Mount Weather, which wasn’t a surprise to any of the leaders, most of the information was spread by the warriors who were also at the mountain. It was a difficult thing for Lexa to do, dig up recent memories that she was still trying so hard to bury. But of course, no one else could tell, Lexa has become a professional at keeping her emotions under her ‘commander mask’.

The thoughts of betraying Clarke were pushed out as she picked up on the anticipation in the room, “As you all have noticed, there is a party missing from the meeting. I have heard nothing from the queen of the Azgeda since the war at the mountain. You all know about the Azgedakru and the Trigedakru- but we have a coalition now. If the queen really has a problem, she needs to come to me about it. There will _not_ be another war. We’ve lost too many people. For now, we have nothing to worry. The war is over,” Lexa looked around the room as the clan leaders nodded in agreement. She knew she was leaving information out, but she couldn’t tell anyone until she was 100% sure they were in danger, “That’s all the information I have for you now. There are horses ready for you all tomorrow morning, I know your trips back will be long, but you are welcome to stay as long-“

“Yes!”

“I’m not doing that.”

 Every head turned towards the exit, where they could hear arguing outside. Lexa’s heart skipped a beat when she recognized Clarke’s voice. Indra, who also recognized the voice, turned to her commander, scowling. Indra knew that Clarke was in Polis- and that Lexa’s ‘second’ was supposed to be making sure she was okay. Indra didn’t approve of either.

 “Heda,” Indra muttered, “I’ll take care of this.” Indra stood and made her way to the curtain.

 “Indra,” Lexa called out. Indra stopped in her tracks. Lexa turned to the rest of the clan leaders and nodded, “The war is over, let us feast.”

 Lexa picked up a glass bottle in front of her and filled a goblet with wine. She passed the bottle to the large grounder next to her, allowing him to do the same. As the bottle was passed around the table, Lexa made eye contact with Indra and silently nodded, and the two made their way towards the entrance.

* * *

 

Clarke was a bit surprised when she saw Indra. Indra didn’t seem the least bit surprised. Another person walked through the curtain. _Lexa._ _There you go, Clarke. She’s right there. Give her a piece of your mind._

Lexa muttered something to Indra, who then stood still with a scouring look on her face.  Lexa continued to swiftly move towards Clarke, who stood frozen, still slightly stunned at the sight of the grounders she used to trust. Clarke felt her heart racing seeing Lexa a second time just as much as the first. Clarke already knew she couldn't show any sign of weakness. _Show her you’re angry._

Lexa's eyes never left Clarke's. It wasn't Lexa's first time seeing Clarke after the Mountain, but she felt different seeing Clarke now. In Polis. Her home. Lexa only had a few seconds of taking Clarke in before speaking to her, but in those few seconds, she could instantly see. Clarke looked broken. Not physically, despite the blood soaked bandage around her leg. Emotionally. She was hurting. And Clarke wore it on her face. Lexa could see the bags under her deep blue eyes. The dirt on her skin from spending days in the woods. She was visibly skinnier. The rips in her shirt and the holes in her pants. Lexa could see the anger Clarke was trying to show on her face. Lexa could already tell that the anger on her face wasn't real. She was too broken to show any real emotion. To have any real emotion. Lexa knew that because she feels the same way.

_Clarke is broken. And it's my fault._

"Clarke," Lexa tried to keep her voice from shaking, "Why aren't you with Mason? You should be resting."

Clarke's eyes flashed with... something, "Don't tell me what I should be doing. There's a meeting in there," Clarke nodded towards the curtain behind them, "You're telling them about the mountain. I should be in there."

Lexa stayed calm, ignoring the apparent anger in Clarke's voice, even though it killed her, “Yes, you should be, Clarke. I thought you were recovering at Mason's," Lexa quickly glanced over at Thomas, who stood quietly at Clarke's side, “Unfortunately, the actual meeting just ended...Do not worry. I told them everything Clarke.”

_Lie._

“Have you eaten, Clarke?"

Clarke was at a loss for words. What? No backlash? Did she just say I should be in the meeting?

"Clarke, I understand your anger, but you should eat, for your own health," Lexa eyed at Clarke's slender arms.

"There is a feast. To celebrate the end of war. A war you helped end, Clarke. You should come in."

Clarke studied Lexa's face, trying to see if there was an alternative angle here.

"Clarke, you are welcome to leave at any time. But I bid you to stay and eat."

Clarke didn't know what the best choice was here. Correction- she did know what the best choice was, but she didn't want to choose it. She wanted Lexa to know she was angry, she wanted Lexa to know that she was hurt. But she also really wanted to know why Lexa would betray her. And she needed food. Like now.

"Okay," was all Clarke could get out.

Lexa gave a quick nod and looked over to Thomas, “We will speak later."  
Clarke looked over to Thomas, who gave a nod to his commander. She almost felt bad for making him disobey his orders.

 Almost.

Clarke slowly followed Lexa, Indra, and Thomas into the counselor's room. She could hear faint chatter become louder as she got closer. It was huge- gigantic. It was nothing like Clarke could have ever imagined. Candle light from a large chandelier dangling from the ceiling filled the room. Majestic decorative fabrics covered the tall walls, complementing beautiful paintings of grounders and landscapes that went along with them. A table stretched across the middle of the room, completely covered in food, and surrounded by eleven grounder men and women. She couldn't even pay attention to them. Clarke hadn't seen so much food since

Mount-

Never mind.

The room fell silent as the grounder's eyes fell on Clarke. Only then did she feel out of place. Her skin got hotter as she realized her face and clothes were dirty and her nails were gritty. She could only imagine what her hair looked like. Everyone in the room seemed to be well kept, they looked nothing like the bruised, dirty, war-driven grounders she had seen at war.

Clarke almost considered walking out, when a short, bulky woman stood, maintaining eye contact with Clarke, and respectfully nodded, "Klark kom skaikru. Mochof."

What?

Another grounder did the same. Then two more. Soon, all eleven grounders were on their feet, looking at Clarke.

"Clarke," Lexa whispered, pulling Clarke from the mesmerized stare she had at the scene in front of her. Lexa led Clarke to the head of the table. The grounders still stood, their faces showing nothing but respect and awe (and a bit of fear). Lexa picked up a goblet, and handed it to a very confused Clarke, then picked up another and held it in the air. The others in the room did the same.

"To Clarke of the sky people. For defeating the mountain men. And ending a war that has continued on for hundreds of years."

Clarke's eyes widened as the room muttered in agreement and drank in her name.

 _Lexa told the truth?_ Clarke looked over at Lexa in astonishment.

_Lexa told the truth._

_These people are drinking to my killing of innocent lives._

_Do they actually know what I did?_

_She said I ended a war._

_I ended a war._

Clarke realized there was an audience waiting for her to drink as well. She took a sip of her wine, her mind filled with too many thoughts to taste anything.

Clarke could have sworn a faint smile appeared on Lexa's face before saying, "Let us feast."

She watched as a sea of grounder hands grabbed at the platters on the table. The last few moments seemed to rush through Clarke's head, and too many questions and emotions filled her at once.

"Clarke," the familiar voice reminded Clarke that Lexa was still by her side, probably studying her.

Clarke shifted to look at Lexa, only then realizing how close she was. Only then could Clarke make out the actual shade of her green eyes. Clarke could already tell Lexa was nervous about something. She could still see right through her 'commander' exterior.

"I don't know what happened at the mountain after my people and I left. But I know it still affects you. I know you may resent me, or even hate me for what happened at the mountain. I understand. Like I said before, you are welcome to leave whenever you feel. But you are also welcome to stay. You defeated the mountain. You ended a war. My people and I will show never ending gratitude for that."

_I understand._

She said "I understand".

_But did she really?_

"Eat, Clarke, we wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

Clarke could tell Lexa was being genuine.

"I thought you were dead, Clarke," Lexa could feel her own heart racing, “I’m glad you're not."

After her confession, Lexa quickly made her way to the other side of the table. Leaving Clarke at the head of the table with a seemingly endless amount of food in front of her, the words 'I understand' still ringing in her head.

Clarke couldn't tell if she was just hungry or if everything just looked good. A perfectly cooked chicken on a platter, large goblets filled with wine, bread- lots of bread- and brightly colored fruits and vegetables. A smile crept on Clarke's face when she realized this was the first time she would ever be excited over vegetables. Clarke was hardly able to take in the room itself. This place was beautiful, this place was majestic... This place was-

"You think this is nice?" Thomas' voice pulled Clarke from her thoughts, "wait 'til you see Polis."

Clarke almost scolded herself for letting herself become carried away in this place, but the smile from Thomas kept her from doing so.

"Here," Thomas slid a plate in front of Clarke, “I already made you something. Consider this a thank you, for-"

"Thanks," Clarke quickly said, not wanting to be reminded of why she was here. She quickly sat down with Thomas and grabbed the first thing on her plate.

The food most definitely wasn't looking good because she was hungry. The food was good. _Really good._ The meat was perfectly seasoned, the fruit- though Clarke had never seen the odd species- was fresh. The bread was fresh and soft. The vegetables were steamed?

"Where do you get this?"

"We grow it. Or kill it. We have hunters"

Oh, like the grounder she met in the woods.

"Who cooked this?"

"...Our cooks..." Thomas looked up at Clarke as if she was crazy, “Do your people not have those?"

Clarke let herself laugh, “No, we do. I'm sorry I just-"

"Thought we were savages?"

Clarke didn't answer and continued to eat.

"Sorry, I just..." guilt washed over Thomas' face, "You think it's good?"

Clarke nodded silently, her mouth too full to speak.

"I know a cook in Polis. If you think this is good, you should try his stuff."

The grin on Thomas’ face made Clarke smile. A real smile. _Haven’t done that in a while._ She hasn't seen any grounder open up like this before.

"So, are you the commander's second?"

Thomas nodded.

"I didn't know commanders could have seconds. She's never mentioned you before. I mean I've never met you."

"They usually don't. I... She took me in after the war, I guess,"

"Well how do you know her? What clan were you-"

"How did you win the war at the Mountain? You told me you killed everyone in that mountain. How did you take down Mount Weather?"

Clarke fell silent. Images of innocent bodies flashed in front of her wide eyes, "I..."

Thomas only nodded at her awkward response. In that moment, they both understood that there were secrets that were still haunting them. Secrets they didn’t like to share.

After a long silence filled with the sounds of clinking glasses and other grounders’ muttering, Thomas finally spoke, “I know you resent the commander,” Thomas kept his eyes trained on his food, “I don’t know why, but you do. Based on what I hear, I’m sure it has to do with Mount Weather.”

Clarke completely avoided eye contact with Thomas, not knowing what to feel or say.

“I do know that my commander is a good one. She has to make tough decisions, and I’m sure you do, too- or, at least, you did. She has to be ruthless. She doesn’t have a choice…”

Clarke’s mind jumped back to the words she told her mother after radiating Level 5 in Mount Weather.

“…You have your reasons for resenting us. I have very good reasons for resenting your people-”

“What are you saying, Thomas?” Clarke demanded.

“You should stay in Polis. At least for a while. You should get to know us. The _real_ us. Not the people you saw at war.”

“How can you _even feel real_ after war,” Clarke was speaking through her teeth. The images still in her head.

“You’re asking the wrong person,” Thomas answered, nodding towards Lexa. Lexa sat at the other side of the table, casually listening in on two clan leaders’ conversation but never actually speaking. Her eyes met Clarke’s instantly, as if she could feel Clarke watching. Clarke immediately looked back to Thomas, trying to avoid the odd feeling in her stomach.

“You said you needed closure, didn’t you?”

Clarke sighed. _This kid is good._

“Clarke I don’t even know why you’re here in the first place…why you were in the woods. But I have a good feeling you don’t know either. You’re not planning on going back home-”

Clarke knew one thing, the Ark was most definitely not home. Not now.

“So where would you go? You need to rest your leg anyway. You can’t just go out like that. Stay.”

Nothing that came out of Thomas’ mouth was a lie. It was true, she needed to figure herself out. She wanted to feel human again. There was no way she would feel any better at Camp Jaha, surrounded by people she’s killed for-

“Clarke?”

“Okay, I’ll stay.”  Clarke couldn’t help but grin when she saw Thomas smile.

By the time the feast was over, Clarke had wolfed down at least three plates of food. After finishing the first one, many of the clan leaders insisted she have more, and she gladly accepted.

The leaders all approached Clarke at some point, thanking her before leaving. Clarke was still taken aback at how quick these people were to celebrate her ‘victory’. Lexa stood near the last leader to approach Clarke, the same one who was the first to stand when Clarke first entered. After the woman left, Lexa moved to stand in front of Clarke, and for some reason, Clarke could sense that she was nervous again. Clarke was nervous too, after spending the day making sure Lexa knows Clarke hates her, she now will tell her she is going to stay in Polis.

_Do you even actually hate her?_

“Thomas informed me that you will stay,” There was a sense of hope in her voice.

“Oh… yeah,” Clarke really didn’t know what to say, or feel about Lexa at the moment, “Thomas convinced me.”

“I saw the two of you talking. I’ve never seen anyone talk more than him,” Lexa glanced at the young boy, who was standing near the entrance just out of earshot, “There is a horse outside waiting. Mason doesn’t want you walking on that leg.” Lexa turned towards Thomas.

“Wait,” Clarke called out, “Where are we going?”

“You’re staying in Polis,” Lexa looked over her shoulder, “So we are going to my home.”


End file.
